A 1970 grand fête at Leonard Bernstein's reveals the self-victimizing seeds planted for today's antiracist Uncle Toms The Black Panthers doing that Scary Negro thing. They were good at feeding poor ghetto kids, better at scaring white people. Photo courtesy of the State Governors’ Negative Collection, 1949-1975, Washington State Archives. CC0 2.0 image from Wikimedia Commons New York Magazine writer Tom Wolfe coined the term ‘Radical Chic’ in his hilarious, derisive dissection of an oh-so-fashionable- daaaaaahling party for chi-chi white liberals in 1970. Those who attended called it a ‘meeting’, (sounds so much more serious than ' party’ , you know) at Leonard and Felicia Bernstein’s posh Park Avenue apartment. Guests included Barbara Walters, movie directors Otto Preminger and Sidney Lumet, Julie Belafonte (Harry’s kid), and the rest mostly celebrity names from their time we’ve forgotten, or the insular New York high society socialites whose names we hoi polloi never knew. The purpose of the party/meeting (‘happening’?) was to raise criminal defense funds for the Panther 21, those flamboyant ‘revolutionaries’ of the early Black Power movement who were done with the well-dressed early civil rights ‘chumps’, those ‘Toms’ in suits ‘three sizes’ too large—Martin Luther King, Philip Randolph, James Farmer, Whitney Young, Roy Wilkins. The time for talk was over and the time for action was now. The Panthers, who whipped out their big guns and looked badass and mean and preached that the Black Man should use violence if necessary to defend himself from Whitey’s racist power structure, had been accused of plotting to blow up five New York department stores, some Connecticut railroad facilities, a police station and, for some weird reason (a hate-on for the White Man’s horticulture?) the Bronx Botanical Gardens. Wolfe was not invited but managed to slip in anyway like Jeffrey Goldberg on a Signal chat. He sat in a chair observing all that went on while taking notes in shorthand. Five months later, his essay Radical Chic appeared in New York Magazine, reviving the hubbub that had ensued days after the party when a fellow slick reporter, from the New York Times, reported it and drew hellacious wrath from social critics. Wolfe’s article lampooned the Beautiful People who seemed more interested in what we today would call ‘virtue signalling’, whose First World challenges included the very serious problem of trying to find white servants because it just wouldn’t do, darrrrrrling, to have Negroes serving at an affair like this! Wolfe’s scene-setting illustrates them with his frighteningly detailed knowledge of haute couture , ridiculously expensive imported furniture and architecture, and ingredients in fancy hors d’oeuvres that’s rivalled only by cheesy New York Boring Rich People novelist Domenick Dunne. He lampooned, further, Panther ‘mau-mauing’; a slang term with a murky etiology , meaning intimidation tactics designed to scare white folks. Mau-mauing consisted of violent rhetoric, divisive language and gun-waving, although Lenny’s guests left theirs at home. Scare honkeys, don’t actually hurt them. Wolfe went into greater depth of such tactics in a similar essay entitled Mau-Mauing the Flak Catchers about bullying well-meaning bureaucrats—‘flak catchers’—trying to help poor blacks in San Francisco, hobbled by obstructive bureaucracy and corruption. The radicals chose a more moderately aggressive style to solicit the defense fund donations on this fine afternoon at Lenny’s, as Wolfe repeatedly referred to his clueless host. Just being the Panthers mau-maued the hoity-toity crowd plenty, nevertheless impressed with Real Panthers. Wolfe compared it to a century-old French idea— nostalgie de la boue , ‘nostalgia for the mud’, or an attraction to lowlife culture and degradation. It’s slumming for the rich, cultural appropriation for the privileged. Think of Marie Antoinette’s fake on-premise ‘village’ at Versailles. Think of middle-class white kids adopting ghetto lingo and rap talk and pretending to be ‘bangers. Think Rachel Dolezal. In all fairness, the Panthers had gotten a ridiculously bad rap for crimes whose alleged plots were found to have been instigated by undercover infiltrators. Their bails were insanely high—$100,000 in some cases, which is over $800,000 today. And they hadn’t even tipped over a cow or an old white lady. The Panthers had too-successfully mau-maued the entire U.S. Justice Department. They didn’t have to engage in violence; and they mostly didn’t, except against the police; they just had to convince white people they might, or they would, or that they had already, because there was no Google or Snopes back then to call them out on their radical affectations. All they had to do to pry moolah out of these bored rich shits was to talk like South American banana republic revolutionaries. These were the early seeds of black self-disempowerment and self-victimization exploiting white guilt to unravel the ‘Tom’s’ sense of maturity, cooperation with others and above all personal responsibility to seize the day and make the most of loosening racial discrimination bonds. Today’s ‘antiracism’ has since raised self-victimization to an art form. ‘Antiracists’ pretend to be violent and revolutionary, but are mostly a threat to statues; they otherwise threaten to ‘tear it all down’ and claim it’s the only way to fix a ‘hopelessly racist society’. Just like the Panthers did, yet didn’t. In 1970, testosterone-fueled youth rioted in cities around America without recognizing that tearing and burning down their own communities hurt only themselves, rather than a Bloomingdale or Bonwit Teller, which would have brought home black frustration to cloistered whites in their own ‘hoods. One young radical from that time, although not a Panther himself, was a fellow named Shelby Steele, whose own greatest act of defiance against the White Man was impudently sprinkling cigarette ashes on the rug of a college president as he and his young stud friends issued demands. Steele grew up to become a leading author and documentary maker who criticized his callow youth’s militants for relying on affectatious black rage to cajole handouts given to assuage white guilt rather than develop black communities and themselves. He condemned the militants’ intellectual laziness and self-crippling beliefs that he sees today in his weakened college students. He wrote a whole book about it: White Guilt: How Blacks and Whites Together Destroyed the Promise of the Civil Rights Era. Black Power’s grandchildren now mouth the same tired lines from their middle- and upper-class homes, attending elitist schools that cost more per semester than their sharecropper granddaddy made in a lifetime. ‘Toms’, as black militants derided the earliest civil rights activists, dressed up for marches and protests, to demonstrate to the white system that black people were worthy of dignity and respect. Black Power thought that was for ‘chumps’ and, with the help of well-meaning white liberals, rich or not, worked together to disempower American blacks as they held out their hands once again like ‘Toms’ from decades past, asking white people for more favors. Steele preferred white help rather than white intervention to right the wrongs. Blacks were not, as the ‘Toms’ taught, helpless in the face of monolithic white power doled out in small, nonthreatening packages by liberal politicians and swanky celebrities and socialites. White help is holding out one’s hand to help someone up from the ground; she still has to engage her muscles to impel herself up and stand on her own. Although Black Power encouraged black pride and self-determination, it seemed to believe it couldn’t be accomplished without a lot of white intervention. Saturday Night Live satirizes ‘radical chic’ in a 1982 sketch about a whitey-hating black poet Anger, injustice and opportunity ‘Tom’-my guilt-tripping for money, like reparations, suggests an aggrieved group is childlike, incapable, simply, of handling their affairs themselves. Steele admired the MLK ‘Toms’ rejection of violence as a sign of their power of ‘moral witness’. These well-dressed Negroes embodying white respectability were cruelly beaten on camera; a little black girl in a pretty dress walked to school surrounded by towering white men protecting her from a lengthy, blocks-long gauntlet of screaming white faces. The middle-class optics didn’t look good on the six o’clock news. These ‘Negroes’ seized the day. These were adults, children, just trying to be normal Americans, prevented by suburban crazies deeply wounded at kids just trying to get an education like their own. What angered the Black Power militants was its passivity; lettin g redneck sheriffs attack you in your respectable clothes without fighting back. The anger they felt, Steele argues, “is chosen when weakness in the oppressor means it will be effective in winning freedom or justice or spoils of some kind. Anger in the oppressed is a response to perceived opportunity, not to injustice.” He further noted that anger escalated not with more injustice but with less injustice. Let that sink in for a moment. The less oppressed the Angry Black Person becomes, the angrier s/he gets, because “weakness in the oppressor calls out anger even when there is no wound or injustice.” [Last italics Steele’s] Sound familiar? Have you seen this white guilt-driven mini-movie several times before? Maybe even in one day? Lenny’s liberals’ hearts wanted to understand, others already did. Plenty of Lenny’s guests were Jews who already supported black civil rights because they identified with their struggles. They’d been shut out from polite society too; they had been pogromed and murdered too and excluded from all the good jobs. Ironically, the Panthers offered in return gratuitous antisemitism and anti-Zionism, which didn’t amuse their host and several of his Jewish guests. There was a place for militancy in 1970 America where many white people were still just wrapping their heads around the fact that maybe it was a little unfair that all the American Dream required was European genetics. But the militancy mindfucked white liberals to surrender their moral authority while they did the same to black communities to reject their power by re-assuming the victim role. The Tom. Black anti-white racism grew, as Steele noted, in direct proportion to each legal and policy reduction of genuine black grievance. Today’s ‘antiracists’ are so little oppressed they’ve had to invent ‘microaggressions’ to feed the cultural need for rage rather than recognize a helping hand is all most black people need anymore. Adults can stand on their own. As Steele noted, “We also have never allowed our performance in sports, music, literature, or entertainment to be contingent on whether or not others helped us.” The real story As I wrote this, Michael Shermer’s Skeptic Substack featured an article on recent research on American social mobility and fairness. Here’s a shocker: It’s better to be born into a rich family than a poor one. Regardless of race , kids from better-off families face more lucrative futures than kids in poor communities. The presence of black fathers is important, but, the research found that growing up in a neighborhood with many active black fathers mattered more than a two-parent household. In ‘hoods with a high percentage of fatherless single parents, kids do much more poorly and are less inclined to earn highly, regardless of color. The worst birth lottery disadvantage is poverty and disappearing dads. Not color. Pretending it’s all about racism lets whites off the hook so they don’t have to address the real root cause: Economic privilege . Asking the white power structure to do something real— change laws and policies that would result in reducing tax breaks for the middle class and wealthy, and raising property taxes to fund better schools, and elimination of elite private school legacy admissions (‘DEI’ for rich white C- kids ), would accomplish real economic equality. Social justice too often stops at the wallet. For everyone. Had the later black civil rights movement stuck with the messaging of the older black nerds in dorky suits, it could have lifted all the boats rather than leaving the rich to conclude the more money you have, the less tax you should pay, and dole out handouts as required, sometimes. Economic empowerment has to lift all boats. Not all America’s ‘oppressors’ are white, and not all the oppressed aren’t. Woke up and smell the opportunity! Did you like this post? Do you want to see more? I lean left of center, but not so far my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter  Grow Some Labia  so you never miss a damn thing! There are also Substack  and Spotify podcasts of more recent articles!

There's something deeply, desperately wrong everywhere and we may well be headed toward a highly unpleasant but highly necessary purge CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 photo by Mike Bitzenhofer  on Flickr. He knows changes aren't permanent But change is - Rush, ‘Tom Sawyer’ I just finished reading Neil Howe’s The Fourth Turning Is Here: What the Seasons of History Tell Us about How and When This Crisis Will End. Howe and his late co-author William Strauss first published it in 1997. It details what they identified as the cycles of history, based on the last five hundred years. Four periods, named after the four seasons, comprise the ‘turnings’ of a complete cycle of human history—a saeculum , or roughly one human life span of about 80-100 years. If you’re at all unclear on where we are today, we’re in Winter, the Crisis period—right on time, about eighty years after World War II, the last Crisis. Wars tend to factor heavily in previous Crises. Howe believes this Crisis (not necessarily war) will culminate in the early 2030s and is fraught with great danger but also holds great potential promise, if we manage not to fuck it up with, say, a turn toward totalitarianism. The book is long and complex and difficult to follow sometimes, but the last part, about the current Crisis, its potential resolutions, and what it may mean for humanity, and particularly North Americans, was the most engaging part. His predictions are self-admittedly speculative, and some seem downright insane, if hopeful, today: Such as that maturing Millennials may actually turn to embrace “rationalism, objectivity, and top down systemizing.” That would be a welcome change. He notes Millennials today probably wouldn’t believe in America’s ability to come together against adversity, and notes that “one lesson of history is that the real danger may be quite the opposite—that the nation pulls together,” with the caveat that the union can be brutal or reckless. There’s a new regime coming together in the world order one way or another and that could involve autocracy—right- or left-wing. I’ve watched my own country pull together for the last three months as scrappy, argumentative Canadians react to the direct threat from the land-, water-, and resource-hungry United States regime. So far I’m not seeing any Canadian brutality or recklessness. Maybe we’re saving that for the invading forces. Many of Howe’s more welcome predictions—all of which are carefully caveat-ed with words like ‘could’, ‘maybe’, or ‘possibly’—include a post-Crisis “epidemic of normalcy” which would repeat the conformity, conscious cooperation, and family focus that framed the last post-war era. Yes, Elon and J.D., Americans will start #$%^ing without rubbers again after what Howe calls the ‘Epkyrosis’ and what I call the ‘Enema’. This is the climax, the massive purge coming from a terrible event or series of them after which America, or the world, picks itself up and surveys the wreckage of whatever just happened. The very worst outcome would be war, especially if it goes nuclear. Another potential outcome is the possibility America could find itself “fatally undermined” by domestic division or a civil war that leads to outside intervention and conquest. Howe imagines a ‘worst case scenario’ in which America finds itself ‘torn into pieces’ or ‘occupied’. Not beyond the ken, as the MAGA/Trump administration works to weaken America, whether it intends to or not (or simply doesn’t care). A defeated, malfunctioning, and now, self-isolated  America, Howe notes, could bring down the rest of the world. (Watch it live right now on CNN!) There’s a good reason why Howe’s language is highly speculative, based on a reading of the past. So is trying to predict what will happen by this weekend. Our near future, and the new First Turning, could go so many ways. Howe notes how after the last post-war enema, polarization disappeared as Democrats learned to live with Big Business, and Republicans came around to the New Deal. He theorizes the same might happen to us, which makes sense when people have to pull together to do-or-die, and become tired of conflict. There’s the very real possibility, looming even right now with Trump’s threats to invade and conquer Greenland, that we might find ourselves in a major conflict before the year ends. One thing Howe got ridiculously wrong: Americans did, in fact, vote Donald Trump back into office. Public domain image  by mitsuecligsx on Pixabay The Enema works, Howe says, by, “sucking all surrounding matter into a single vortex of ferocious energy.” It occurs late in the Fourth Turning, and accumulates from “unmet needs, unpaid debts, and unresolved problems.” It’s a process in which the old order(s) which no longer function properly must be purged and changed. Humans don’t have much control over The Enema; the process has been set in motion and results in massive upheaval we can’t even imagine. It changes everyone radically; it’s traumatic and painful; it “shakes a society to its roots, transforms its institutions, redirects its purposes, and marks its people (and its generations) for life.” Those who survive the current Enema will certainly never be the same: Permanently psychologically and emotionally branded. This even includes a nuclear war. We will never stop talking about The Enema, no matter what it turns out to have been. As much as we dread the forthcoming generational and societal apocalypse, what would be worse, Howe writes, is if we don’t go through it. The Epkyrosis is the enema that humanity periodically needs. For myself, it’s helpful to think of it that way since I’m caught in the forthcoming Crisis at a much more advanced age than my parents. I can certainly see we can’t keep going on as we have been. We can’t stop the mighty forces now. It’s almost like a human’s very worst physical nightmare—a massive purge from both ends to rid the body of its toxins before it kills you. If you survive, you’re going to feel so much better—and more at peace. Buddhism teaches that resistance always makes a bad situation worse. What we can’t stop, we must accept and work with and do our best to help ourselves, and others, to survive. Thich Nhat Hanh wrote of his experiences as a young monk during the Vietnam War, building and rebuilding villages the Americans had bombed. It was a living embodiment of the lessons of impermanence—and regeneration. In America, we rebuilt the lives of the returning G.I.s. We rebuilt Europe. We even rebuilt Japan. The old enmities fell away and human beings came together to do what needed to be done. We are a hardy, persistent, and cooperative  species. Purge that shit I see the need. For all of us. What also arose out of the ashes of two very brutal world wars, along with hope, union and regeneration, was growing Communism and then the Cold War. Of the creation of Israel borne of the vicious antisemitism of the Third Reich and the Islamic world. It stoked further antisemitism which has spread like wildfire once again around the world, along with ferocious Islamic terrorist death cults. After the last Fourth Turning came the Spring, the First Turning of the new saeculum, which brought a golden age of growth and prosperity for many, and a new world order tired of war. The Awakening, the Second Turning arrived when the imperfections and failures of the Golden Age became impossible to ignore. The age of prosperity hadn’t been for everyone; black people and young women had been excluded while young people demanded the right to drop out of life, to the horror of their parents, who wanted them to finish college and start families like obedient Americans. American folk singer Malvina Reynolds tweaks conformist Americans in 'Little Boxes' The Third Turning is the Unraveling, the Fall, where institutions weaken, individualism strengthens, and the old civic order unravels. For those of us alive today, it began in the early 2000s, perhaps marked by 9/11. Others point to the 2008 financial crisis. Today, I look south to my mother country and I don’t recognize it. Nor do I recognize either the stodgy but sane Republicanism I grew up with in my family. I especially don’t recognize my former Democratic Party. It’s become the same, a coalition of identity-driven autocracy, authoritarianism and fundamentalism which those who still hew to it can’t see. They point their righteous fingers at the other side, the Republicans, the MAGAs, accusing them of their very same sins of which they themselves are guilty. They condemn Elon Musk for destroying the government, though they themselves have been tearing down America’s institutions for years. And the antisemites spread their moral disease like cockroaches in a cheap slum. I never knew you, depart from me, you who practice lawlessness! - Jesus, Matthew 7 Donald Trump is, right now, America’s enema, purging more than just the government, even as progressives and MAGAs clench their butt cheeks, resisting The Deluge. I watch the forthcoming Enema/Epykrosis not with pleasure—it will be traumatic for everyone, and will purge us all  of our moral rot—and people will likely die. A lot. Maybe me and you. But I take the Buddhist, or perhaps a revamped AA credo—I must accept what I cannot change, change the minds I can, and be prepared to head north into the Canadian hinterlands if the nukes start flying. Or the drones attack. "You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!" - Astronaut George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes The ‘Strauss-Howe generational theory’ is not without its critics. Some claim it’s more science fiction than science, although it’s clearly based on a speculative reading of generational history. Others say it  generalizes too much. That it’s pseudo-history, which I acknowledge. Predicting the future is often a fool’s errand, and five hundred years isn’t far enough back to go. Their focus is European-American history. How does this stack up for other parts of the world? For China, for example, the world’s oldest civilization? For Africa? For Southeast Asia? Or even until recently, a really isolated group of islands called Japan? The critics are correct that the theory is still too new, even at nearly thirty years old, to determine how reality-based it is, or not. And maybe one simply can’t effectively predict the future, especially when it involves eight billion wild cards. But I do see, even before I began the book, a potential global setup for war. Maybe a war within. On January 19th, I never dreamed the U.S. harbored imperialist fantasies of fellow First World allies. Now it’s severed those ties, and reordered the world. But I do believe one thing: We are all about to get a massive Enema. I’m with Howe that it’s needed and none of us should look forward to it with smug grins thinking it’s only for Them. I’m considering that I may not survive it. I don’t know. And neither does anyone else. But I think if I live, I will feel much, much better. CC0 public domain image  by Tip Yinan on Public Domain Pictures Did you like this post? Do you want to see more? I lean left of center, but not so far my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter  Grow Some Labia  so you never miss a damn thing! There are also Substack  and Spotify podcasts of more recent articles!

Do I even have to count the ways? Okay, fine, I will. I've compiled a list. Just think about it, America. What have you got to lose? This may be your last shot at living in a civilized country! Canadians: We’re hot, you’re not. But you could be. Go Canadian!!! Free image from Pexels Look, America, let me speak bluntly. This is coming from a native daughter. Look, we’re friends, right? Still? Even though, frankly, you’ve turned into a real bitch. I’m just being honest. Countries are talking. They’re saying you’re not as cool as you used to be. That you’re a real snot. That Canada is ‘the good one’. That you need to get over yourself. Don’t get mad!!! I’m just being honest. Nobody admires you anymore. No one likes you. Or wants to be like you. Some of the meaner countries are saying, frankly, that you suck. And come on, you know what I’m talking about. You need to change your attitude. A real makeover. To turn over a new leaf. A maple one. I’ve got the perfect solution. You need to become part of Canada! Our eleventh province. Now wait, before you object, just hear me out. Please? Because we’re friends and I’m only trying to help you. I’ve compiled a list of Top Ten Reasons Why America Should Join Canada, rather than the other way around. Just listen, just listen, I think you’re going to like this! #10 - We’re prettier than you, but you could be just as pretty! All your best-looking actors and celebrities? They’re Canadians. Justin Bieber. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Gosling. Anna Paquin. Rachel MacAdams. Drake. Elisha Cuthbert. Michael Bubl é . Keanu Reeves!!! Nina Dobrev. Shay Mitchell. Hayden Christensen. And, OMG, Justin Trudeau!!! Still a babe after ten years of running this country, often, we’ll admit, into the ground. But I mean, we’re just gorgeous! I know, I know, you want to know our beauty secrets. I’ll share them. We bathe every day in MAGA’s envious tears and we liberally (tee hee) apply maple-flavoured national pride every morning with a beaver pelt. And, TBH, and please don’t get mad at this, we also express gratitude every night that we’re not American. Being Not American does wonders for your skin and makes you glow like a 12-year-old!!! You should try it! Because America, as so many countries who are not America know, is Ugly. And that brings me to my next reason for you to improve your How Hot Am I? attractiveness score by becoming Canadian. #9 Healthcare isn’t a business here, so we don’t shoot anyone over it Become part of Canada, and, seriously speaking, you’ll gain a lot more sleep not worrying about what will happen if you get an expensive disease. Anxiety destroys beauty. Being bankrupted by a broken bone creates ugly wrinkles. When we visit the doctor we show them a card and they show us a patient’s room. Sometimes we have to pay extra, and not everything’s covered. But we don’t spend a lot of time fighting with healthcare providers because everyone knows what’s covered and what’s not. Healthcare is run by the Canadian government, not by large corporations who deny defend depose. Oh, and flu shots are free. For everyone. With a health card. But you have to be a Canadian first. #8 We have a social safety net and leaders who’ve got our backs (if they’re Liberal) Canada watches out for you when the chips are down. The government has got our backs. Okay, the Liberal government. The Conservatives since I’ve been here? Not so much . During the COVID crisis, Justin Trudeau implemented the CERB program to support Canadians suddenly thrown out of work and unable to find employment. It saved a lot of people’s bacon. It wasn’t perfectly implemented—it was an emergency rush job—and many fell through the cracks and others took advantage to defraud the program . Up front, they admitted they might expect you to pay it back if it was found later you didn’t qualify after all, and they did. But it went a helluva longer way than the occasional scraps of money Trump and Biden tossed out. Today, our new Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a $2B relief plan to support autoworkers thrown out of jobs thanks to You-Know-Who’s unprovoked trade war. Canadians support Canadians. #8 We got weed!!! Legal!!! And we’ll share if you don’t try and bogart the land or water! We’ve had legal weed since 2018 and we haven’t turned into a nation of Reefer Madness murder zombies or a Timbits-scarfing nation of Jabba the Huffs. We’ve got gummies! We’ve got brownies! We’ve got candies! You can just buy them on any street corner! Okay, not like from some smelly dude with a backpack, we’ve got more weed shops than Tim Horton’s. We’ve got weed farms! In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret—actually, it’s a VERY BIG MILITARY SECRET, so don’t tell anyone, but—weed is our Secret Weapon in case the U.S. invades. We plan to ply your soldiers with the best weed (offered by all our drop-dead gorgeous women and men) so they’ll forget why they’re here. Then when they ask us we’ll say, “More weed, better beer, and lots of great sex!” Your soldiers will never want to leave. If we can’t beat you in a traditional war, we’ll acquire you one stoned, sexually satisfied, madly in love American soldier at a time! We took your people during the Vietnam War, and we’ll do it again. Be careful when the border asks you to 'Show me your papers' :) #7 Canadians get along with each other We’re multicultural, like you, but we treat each other better because we’re not obnoxious. Like our Christians, who aren’t always nagging you to adopt their pre-owned god. In fact, you usually don’t even know they’re Christian because they don’t run around making a big virtue-signalling deal about it. Black Canadians get along with white Canadians just fine, and Black Lives Matter made idiots of themselves years ago when they formed a Toronto chapter and then had nothing to do because our police weren’t, you know, lining black people up for miles or routing them out of bed at four in the morning to shoot them, which is, I guess, the sort of thing that happens in your country. BLM got so bored they were reduced to holding up a Pride Parade to protest the fact that police weren’t killing enough black people to justify their existence. Okay, I’m being a little sarcastic but you get my point. Canadians like each other more, especially after the Big Orange Fat Fuck (B.O.F.F.) declared economic war on us. United we stand, divided you fall. #6 We have abortion rights Women decide. You want an abortion? You got it. No need to travel to some far-flung state (State? What’s that? Ha ha!) because all the voter crazies in your state and the states surrounding yours abolished it. No more walking past a gauntlet of self-righteous fetus warriors who would just as easily kick that kid off welfare and let ‘im starve, or who believe Jesus hates women who take The Pill. Nor do you need to get consent from your partner (he doesn’t need yours either when he gets pregnant). And you can get the morning-after pill over the counter. #5 We’re safer: Fewer mass shootings Canada is proof positive that you don’t need a bunch of guns to be safe. In fact, it’s directly counterproductive. Canada has far fewer guns than America, and, consequently, far fewer mass shootings. We’d have even fewer if Trudeau (praise be unto his blue eyes nevertheless) had smacked back on Donald Trump about the fentanyl by saying, “Okay, fine, we’ll do something about the small cosmetic case of drugs that crosses your border every year but you must do the same with guns.” When you don’t let any old idiot yahoo have shooty things, the murder rate stays lower. Our children walk to school every day like you did thirty or forty years ago without worrying they’ll come home with their head missing from some ugly Merk with a grievance against, God only knows what, goldfish or something. You can stand on your balcony here without being shot. You can buy eggs (at $3.43/carton as I did this past Saturday) at the grocery store without falling into a bloody puddle. You can do your fast food job without getting shot for having run out of a side dish. You can eat a cheeseburger without becoming dead meat yourself. I mean, come on America, you’re just crazy. No one wants to talk to you because you might blow a hole in their butt for feeding squirrels . It's a lot easier than it looks ;) #4 We’re nicer than you (when you’re not attacking us) Foreigners pretend to love you when you visit (“Ohhhhhh, Amedican! Beddy big tippahs! Bring big Amedican wallet!”) but in fact they’re just after you for your money. Go Canadian, and you can sew honest flag patches on your backpacks and big American Canadian wallet which everyone will just assume is stuffed with weed and vapes. We’ll teach you how to talk Canuckian and not overuse the ‘eh?’ at the end which is a totally rookie move. Walk like an Egyptian, talk like a Canadian, you hoser! The Big Orange Fat Fuck and the Barbie Bimbo disrespecting Canada and our former Prime Minister is not winning you any friends, New Canada. Now we know a lot of you love us already, and don’t approve of the trash-talkin’ manbaby and his trained parrot. You know no country on earth wants to become one of your states for many very obvious reasons. (This list should give you a good idea.) Here’s the deal: Become Canadian and then everyone will love you! We’ll call your province New Canada! Alaska will join the mainland, and Hawaii will be Canada South. You can keep your eagle, but it’ll be your provincial animal. Your national animal will be the beaver, which is great because everybody loves beavers!!! #3 You won’t starve to death We have shit the manbaby wants—our rare earth minerals, our oil and our water. We’ve got potash, which was made millions of years ago from the Sea of Saskatchewan. And you don’t got much of it yourselves. The Sea of Saskatchewan today. We take what’s left and turn it into fertilizer which we sell rather a lot of to you and you will starve to death if we don’t. Image by Jimmy Emerson on Flickr . CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 Become New Canada, and you don’t starve to death when we tariff the shit out of potash since America actually depends on us for it. Tell the Big Orange Fat Fuck the U.S. needs us far more than he knows. Become our eleventh province, and you will never starve to death. #2 - We’re more liberal than you are Even our conservatives. We don’t argue about abortion. Or gay marriage. They resisted legal weed, but our conservatives are dealing with it. We still believe in democracy, and honestly, you don’t. No, not even the Democrats . Especially the Democrats . They’re as infested and indoctrinated with anti-democratic crazies as the MAGAts. Who supports the Islamofascist Hamas more, I ask you? Now tell us again how Donald Trump is the most fascist threat to America. Get real: It’s a toss-up. #1 - Our nation is run by grownups We are getting our shit together because of you. This is the big one, kids. New Canada, right now you’re a nation of children run by spoiled toddlers. And we don’t just mean Donnie Demento and the MAGAt gang. We mean all of you. Yeah, you too, Democrats, we’re looking at you too! Nadda wunnuya can be counted on to put up and elect a real, competent, educated, experienced presidential candidate. We have four major parties in Canada and although they often don’t agree with each other they’re all grownups. And when the shit comes down, like with COVID and now Donnie Delusional ranting and raving about annexing, like, the entire solar system, our leaders come together like a perfectly-synchronized marching band in lockstep to slam you back with higher consumer prices because President Schitzenpants wakes up one morning and thinks, “Four dollars a pound for beef is way too low. It needs to be six dollars a pound! I’ll raise the tariffs on beef so Canada will raise it back!” Et voilà - we make it happen for you. A Hamburger Helper meal that costs more than your engagement ring. And we’ll keep it comin’ for ya as long as ya want, America. Our new prime minister promises to “keep our tariffs on until the Americans show us respect.” As in, suck it, you B.F.O.B. (Big Fat Orange Bitch)! Two words that should strike the fear of God into Americans: Oil embargo. We’ve already kicked your annexing ass twice, here and here , and we’ll do it again if you make us. We ain’t no rice paddy farmers or desert-dwelling goat herders, cupcakes. And you couldn’t even beat them. Remember, the ‘artificially drawn line’ works both ways, to your benefit. End the misery now! Become our next province, New Canada! You can’t afford to live in the U.S. anymore anyway! Because you can’t beat us and the offer to join us is limited. Remember: Become Canadian, enjoy our riches, and avoid Trumpflation. How To Become A Canadian - Real advice based on my experience When I'm not going all Julius Caesar on Canada, I sober up and suggest, only semi-jokingly: Which states want to join Canada? I've heard most of New England and California does but--what if you put it up to a vote? Don't Republicans revere 'states' rights'? If no one was forced or 'annexed' as the U.S. calls it, wouldn't it benefit both sovereign nations? The U.S. would be rid of those pesky liberal pro-democracy types and MAGA could turn what's left into Jesusland or whatever. And Canada would go bluer and smoke more weed and have really mind-blowing sex with AWOL soldiers. Think about, state politicians.......................................... Did you like this post? Do you want to see more? I lean left of center, but not so far my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter  Grow Some Labia  so you never miss a damn thing! There are also Substack  and Spotify podcasts of more recent articles!

"GROW A PAIR" That's what we say to men when we think they're acting weak. "Grow some balls!" So what do we say when women are acting weak? We can't very well tell them to grow some balls. Women can't, of course! Women need to 'grow some labia'! They're the parts of the vagina that would have become the scrotum for the balls had she been born a male instead (and since she didn't, what would have been her balls are her ovaries). But I doubt you came here for a female anatomy lesson. It's time for us to grow some labia and woman up, show more strength, challenge ourselves more. Time to take more charge and responsibility for our lives, and spend less time blaming 'The Patriarchy' or systemic sexism. Those things exist, for sure, but at some point we've got to recognize the buck stops with the woman in the mirror and we need to claim our power (or reclaim it if we gave it away somehow!) So it's time for women everywhere to GROW SOME LABIA! I've written a few blog posts about how we can do exactly that and reclaim our power! Feminism The differences between victim feminism, which sees women as chronically aggrieved and victimized by men and 'The Patriarchy', and power feminism, which is more focused on one's self, achieving and claiming personal power and using it for the betterment of others. Dec 21, 2024 The Transfolk Who Really Do Need Our Support The experience of 'The Bearded Lesbian' reminds us some folks really do need to transition; and how LGBTQ can fail them I began following... Dec 5, 2024 American Feminists Don't Need A 4B Movement The South Korean feminism project will be dead in the water. Like it or not, we need men, and they need us. Maybe we just need to reform... Nov 24, 2024 Emma Watson, Emma Watson, Wherefore Art Thou, Emma Watson? The foxy fauxminist has gone missing in recent years. No movies. No fauxminist outbursts. Not even any trans love tweeted. I... Nov 17, 2024 Progressive Democrats Hate Women More Than The Right. Especially Feminists. Right-wing misogyny isn't How The Left Was Lost. It was women's, the primary administrators and executors of patriarchy and misogyny. The... Oct 12, 2024 A Frenchwoman Is Dead Serious About Holding ALL Her Rapists Accountable The Gisele Pelicot case highlights just how frighteningly high is the number of 'normal' men who have a penchant for, and might be... Sep 14, 2024 Let's Have A Grownup Talk About Privilege - With Curiosity Rather Than Outrage It's real. It's worth exploring even for the UnWoke. Its purpose is to open our own eyes rather than beat up others (and ourselves) over... Feminism Substack Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER for all my latest on power feminism, reclaiming your power, and the ongoing culture wars. Visit Substack >> Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER

WELCOME TO MY WEBSITE ABOUT POWER Big Girls Don't Blame The Patriarchy Explore The Blog LABIA POWER! About Me Grow Some Labia! is written by a liberal, feminist writer and social justice critic who teaches women and others how to reclaim their power and avoid partner abuse. She also candidly critiques far-left, progressive/woke/ social justice extremism. It's a place for people who lean left or right, but not so far their brains fall out. GSL's work can be found here and on Substack, Quora. And maybe a few other places. About Me The Latest From My Labia Power! Blog 5 days ago Daniel Penny: The Hero That Wasn't "He scared the living daylights out of everybody." The woke left damns Daniel Penny for trying to save others from a clearly disturbed... Jan 4 We Have To Think About Moderating X, Bluesky And Other Social Media The anoymous psychos who call for others' assassinations are a direct threat to democracy and public safety. Threats are NOT free speech.... Jan 1 Here Comes The 'Woke Right' And It Looks A Helluva Lot Like The Woke Left Brand-new management, same as the last! But the bipartisan UnWoke have the recent accumulated observation to help call out the... Dec 25, 2024 Roman Holiday - A Christmas Story Oh no! Not another Messiah! CC0 public domain Just what we need. Another bloody Messiah. The name’s Flatulous. I’m a Roman soldier in... Dec 21, 2024 The Transfolk Who Really Do Need Our Support The experience of 'The Bearded Lesbian' reminds us some folks really do need to transition; and how LGBTQ can fail them I began following... Dec 14, 2024 Is There Any Real Joy In Learning Anymore? Can students even experience learning something intriguing or unexpected? Or are they only told what to think? "Just kill me now!"... Explore The Blog DON'T BE THE VICTIM Take back your power. NOW. It started with abused women who didn't know they could say No to abuse. It morphed into taking back your power from political bullies and haters, including 'social justice warriors'. Don't Be The Victim GROW SOME LABIA "Grow a pair!" That's what we say to men when we think they're acting weak. "Grow some balls!" So what do we say when women are acting weak? We can't very well tell them to grow some balls. Women can't, of course! Women need to 'grow some labia'! Grow Some Labia I also take on the crazies from the right and the left. Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER

Oops There seems to be nothing here. Back to Homepage