What do those rationalizations sound like when a man says them? Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay Guys, you don’t understand. Melissa checks my [credit card] statements. — Dr. Stuart Price The first time I watched The Hangover (2009), I thought to myself, Damn, every abused woman needs to watch this. She needs to see what it looks like. One character is an unaware domestic abuse victim. Dr. Stuart Price, derided as ‘Dr. Faggot’ by his sophomoric friends, lives with a deeply unpleasant control freak who controls and monitors him, who once hit him, and on one memorable cruise at which Stuart was not present, had sex with — some cruise member. No one can seem to remember his occupation. If you’re not familiar with the movie, it’s funny as hell and one of the few original movies Hollywood has managed to produce in the last twenty years. Which means there are no heroes in rubber muscle suits saving the world from improbable villains, no monosyllabic he-men inflicting far-right values and toxic masculinity on indigenous people, nor does it pretend to any deep meaning. It’s a hilarious whodunit in which they try to piece together what happened in Vegas during a bachelor party gone awry when one accidentally slips them roofies in Jagermeister. Stu has to lie to Melissa, his partner, to get permission to go on this weekend, because it’s easier than fighting with her over Vegas. He tells her they’re in Napa Valley. When he announces to his friends what he intends to do when they get home, they explode with disbelief, particularly Phil, a frat boy type unhappy with his suburban life and job, but he’s the genuine voice of reason when Stu shows them the ring. Phil : If it’s what I think it is, it’s a big fucking mistake! Doug : She’s not that bad. Phil : Doug, she beats him! Stu : That was once, and I was out of line. “Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said?” Phil asks. Clearly, he’s spoken to Stu many times over the three years he’s been with Melissa. Stu tells him it’s time, (for getting engaged), and ‘this is how it works.’ “A, that is bullshit, and B, she is a complete bitch,” Phil says, voicing what the audience thought when first introduced to Melissa, who reminds Stu to pack his Rogaine because she can always tell when his hair gets thinner (with a look of disgust) and hectoring him about not going to any strip clubs in case Phil should happen to ‘sniff one out’ in Napa Valley. She won’t let him kiss her goodbye; she’s miffed he even dared to go on an excursion without her. Maybe she’s afraid he’ll fuck the bartender, or whatever, too. “She beats him,” he reminds his friends. Stu tells him Melissa is ‘strong-willed,’ and he ‘respects that’. “Wow. Wow. He’s in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor,” Phil states. There’s no difference when a woman says these things. It sounds no less ridiculous. Phil may be an annoying juvenile pig, but he talks real turkey with Stu and lets him know Melissa’s treatment of him is not okay. Melissa is a bitch and although no one ever utters the abuse word, it’s what we’re all thinking. He sounds and acts exactly like an abused woman. Except he gets less acceptance from his friends who care about him, who don’t want to see him ruin his life. Like many women, Stu doesn’t listen to those wiser than he. Years ago, when my father was still working, he told me about a young woman who worked in their office who came in with a black eye, and her co-workers asked her what happened. She admitted her boyfriend hit her because she’d refused to smoke marijuana with him. “You need to leave him,” my father said, in a position to know about such things. He told her about a relative who was in an abusive relationship and how she found it difficult to get out. How the partner showed no respect for her and hit her repeatedly. How it only gets worse, not better, no matter what he says afterward. “Why do you stay with someone who treats you like that?” Dad asked the young woman. And he related the line I knew was coming next. “It’s because I loooooooooooove him!” I told my then-boyfriend my father’s story. He was a kind, decent Pagan guy, the sort who would no more hit a woman than he would shoot a dog. He knew someone who’d been abused, and he couldn’t understand why she put up with it. He screwed up his face in disgust when he said it: “Because I loooooooooove him!” Male or female, Dr. Stuart Price is what someone looks like when they’re abused. The difference is, I don’t know, maybe male friends are more likely to tell you in plain speaking you need to dump the abusive asshole. There’s a bigger, more critical problem with female abuse victims. When they tolerate abusive partners, there may be putting their friends and family in danger. Far more often for women than men, their abuse isn’t, strictly speaking, a private matter. Because Melissa, if Stuart leaves her, isn’t likely to stalk him or try to kill him. That’s a real possibility for women — in fact, the most common way by far women get murdered. In a smaller number of cases, aggrieved dumped husbands and lovers will go after her family, and sometimes her friends. Texas man shoots his ex and her family Brooklyn Dad shoots his daughter’s mother and her sisters Ohio guy kills his ex and her family, with help from his own Guy kills family to get to ex-wife he wants to kill, also with help from his family It’s everyone’s business when a woman won’t leave an abusive man. Here in Toronto, I used to work for a company where, prior to my joining, they were forced to shut down the office one afternoon because a crazy ex was coming to kill one of the administrative staff, and police warned he might show up at the office. She put her entire office in danger because of him. I wonder if her friends and family said much before he went off the deep end. My family didn’t, when our relative was in that situation. Neither were we in much danger, since we weren’t immediate family and we lived in another state. We hardly ever saw her because — well, you can guess. Women are way too nice about abuse. We tolerate it far too much, whether it’s happening to us or to others. I’d like to see us find a medium somewhere between Stu’s friends — who are too derisive and condescending — and the rest of us who STFU and assume it’s her business. On perhaps some subconscious level, we acknowledge the dirty little secret about abuse: She’s letting it happen. I’ve been the warning someone ignored. I used to work with a very pretty married young woman whose husband was hitting her. She left him. He did exactly what my mother warned me abusive men do when she leaves: He apologized profusely, made a date to take her out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and surprised her with a chauffeured limo and flowers. She came in the next morning like a young girl in love. “He’s going to do it again,” I told her. I related my mother’s insight. “Oh no, it’s going to be different now,” she said. Photo by Julia Avamotive from Pexels I wonder how many more beatings it took before she left. Or if she ever did. I don’t know how it turned out as she left the company shortly after. I don’t know why. She made the choice to listen to him. She was young and inexperienced and we didn’t know as much about abuse as we do now. Women had a lot less financial power then. She made a bad choice, perhaps an uninformed choice, but it was still a choice. Life is all about uninformed choices. We all do it every single day because we can’t look into the future and see how things will turn out. We can’t know what we don’t know. She also made the choice to not listen to me, and possibly others, warning her this was a dangerous path to take. I hope her (I expect) ex didn’t go after her friends and family too. Or maybe she made too many choices to stay and then one day, she no longer had one. She was a co-worker, not a friend, so I couldn’t say too much. I’ve never been in a position where I had someone in my own circle actively talking about domestic abuse. It might have been happening quietly, but I suspect it wasn’t happening much. The kind of woman who don’t question abuse, or even recognize it, aren’t the sort of people who become my friends. Probably we have little in common. I wouldn’t want my phone number in the mobile of someone I know is being abused. I don’t want her crazy mofo to find it and decide I’m too good a friend or I was likely the fucking c—t who persuaded her to leave. I don’t want that sort of drama in my life. If a friend confessed her partner was abusing her I wouldn’t turn my back on her, especially if I didn’t think he was the sort to take out a family barbecue in revenge, but I would be stronger in my language than many women would be. I mean, we’ve been understanding and non-blamey and non-judgemental for like fifty fucking years and women are still getting assaulted, raped, beaten, put in the hospital, and often killed because they made a lot of really bad decisions all along the way. And clearly, they don’t fucking listen when people do speak up. We need to be less tolerant of abusive men overall, stronger with our language with friends and family and make it clear they have choice. And the longer they wait to choose to leave, the harder it’s going to be. And maybe even, if they don’t fucking leave him, you don’t want anything more to do with this shitshow because you don’t need him coming after you. Doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity, n’est-çe pas? The Hangover ’s Phil is an asshole — they all are — but I loved his reaction in the fancy Vegas suite when he told Stu in no uncertain terms what a big fucking mistake he was making. He removed a little of Stu’s future victimhood. He made it clear it was a choice and he stated the truth — Stu was in denial. I don’t like the other ways they treated him — calling him Dr. Faggot, ‘correcting’ him in public for calling himself a doctor when he was ‘just a dentist’. But I get their impatience and disgust with him. Why didn’t he fucking listen to them? Melissa needs Stu to call her as soon as he arrives somewhere, and one doesn’t get the impression she wants to make sure he’s safe. She gets really pissy if he doesn’t — like when his plane arrived late and he was the keynote speaker. She tells him she’ll kick his ass if he goes to a strip club, and she might mean it literally. We know she’s hit him already. He agrees with everything she says in a way suggesting he’s trying to keep the peace. He makes excuses for her sexual infidelity — She was wasted! And if you must know, he didn’t even come inside her! — and later she throws a loud expletive-laced tantrum at the wedding. Stu is in an abusive relationship, and his friends are a lot less tolerant than female friends are. We need to woman up. We need to hold ourselves, and others, to a higher standard than we have. It’s not 1988 anymore when my father told his story. We have more economic, financial, and political will, not to mention more power. But do we have the willpower to truly put an end to abuse? This first appeared on Medium in July 2021.

...Let's talk about how no prisoners, male or female, should ever be subjected to prison rape. Including the victims no one cares about: Male inmates. Photo by Ron Lach on Pixabay I’m disappointed, but not surprised, that the Regressive Left, for now, has won a round for violent convicted males’ rights with a US judge who temporarily blocked Trump’s Executive Order to return female-identified male convicts to the men’s prisons where they belong. It was ruled ‘unconstitutional.’ I’d like some legal beagle to point to me where in the Constitution it states that men have the right to declare themselves women and be believed by any human being with an IQ above a leopard slug, but we live in strange, evil times and not all the cognitive underachievers are on Team MAGA. I will remind ‘progressives’ that fake-female bepenised sex offenders were bound to result in real female inmates getting raped, as one lawsuit against the State of New York demonstrates. If you’re a woke progressive who needs further persuasion that putting convicted sex offenders and sadists in women’s prisons is the most colossally bad idea since a real estate developer said, “Let’s build mega-expensive homes here in Pacific Palisades!”, here’s my running list detailing men committing crimes against women before transition, after transition, and in prison. Here’s A Running List Why ‘Transwomen’ Don’t Belong In Women’s Spaces Prison rape: It’s still a cinch Inmates of both sexes live constantly with the potential for rape and sexual abuse. Prison guards, male or female, often just can’t resist; one guard at the Central California Women’s Facility was called a ‘serial rapist’ by his nearly two dozen victims, and he was convicted for 64 counts of sexual abuse in mid-January. It’s no secret that rape is as common as worm-infested food in prisons, although it’s far worse in male ones, and it’s one of the many reasons the number of ‘transgender’ prisoners has skyrocketed to an estimated 1,500-2,000. New convicts customarily ‘realize’ they’ve ‘always felt like a woman,’ right after conviction, since in women’s prisons a man will rule the roost as no one is going to rape him , and if he so desires, he can even continue raping with the blessing of the state since accusing a ‘transwoman’ of rape is ‘transphobic’. It’s a huge misogynist miscarriage of justice and further dishonor on the Democratic/woke progressive record for allowing cross-dressing sex offenders into the ladies’ at all. Justice systems around the world haven’t questioned or fought it very much either. But, this article isn’t about transgender prison rape per se. It’s about how no one took notice of prison rape until a few high-profile ‘transgender’ prisoners were reported allegedly raping, molesting, intimidating, threatening, or otherwise making life even further hell for female inmates. The 2003 Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) has been less than a resounding success. According to an overview published in November 2024, “PREA 2003 has not been implemented accurately due to practical problems related to it, such as limited staff, financial constraints, overcrowded prison conditions, and failure to build separate spaces for transgender inmates .” (Italics mine) It’s hard to blame male convicts for not wanting to go to a male prison, but, yeah, they should have thought about that before they committed their ‘special crime’. The first male prison rape victim to publicly recount his experience was 1970s political activist Stephen Donaldson, whose hellish experience was detailed (excruciatingly) in The Punk Who Wouldn’t Shut Up . (You’ve been warned.) Here’s what we don’t think about, talk about, or mention even in impolite company: Why prison rape is allowed to exist at all. Sympathy for the devils I’ve written about how I think the horrendous way we treat prisoners will be future generations’ shame the way the history of slavery in America is today. The moral blot of slavery wasn’t readily apparent in human history, anywhere, until 19th-century Western abolition movements. What the hell were they thinking??? future generations always ask. When we speak sympathetically of prison rape, it’s almost certainly for female prisoners. When we speak of it for men, it’s a laugh; a joke; a punchline; a jeering threat. “You’re going to jail for this one, bitch! They’re going to LOOOVE that pretty little ass of yours!” Very few have sympathy for male prisoners, who, granted, didn’t get there because they blew up a mailbox. Female prisons are brutal, and feminists and women’s rights activists express more sympathy for their prisoners, pointing out that many have suffered abuse and trauma in their past, sometimes from childhood. The not so subtle implication is to excuse whatever her ‘special crime’ was that landed her in Big Girls’ Prison, and to argue prison wardens and other staff members shouldn’t be able to get away with raping female prisoners. It’s a fair point, but few ever ask about the backstory of the male prisoners. No one asks how traumatized they are when they come to prison, or speculate on how they may have been abused before incarceration, which many of them certainly were. Some, as recorded by New England prison psychologist James Gilligan , have endured such hellish existences before entering prison that it’s a wonder they’re still alive. Yeah, they don’t usually look this sexy. Judging by the condition of his fancy shoes, this guy’s been In Stir for no more than fifteen minutes. And was arrested for being criminally hot. Image by Frank Davis from Pixabay And they have been traumatized. One black male prisoner’s story starts when he was eight years old and sent to live with his father for a year. He came back a broken child, having been sexually abused. The typical story proceeds as customary—drugs, crime, poor grades, and eventually prison. One study on male prisoner trauma exposure found their subjects had experienced “near universal trauma exposure in adolescence with the most frequent exposures involving witnessing or being proximate to violent deaths of family and friends.” It cites previous research showing that between 62%-87% of incarcerated men experienced it pre-prison. It notes national survey data showing one in six suffered physical and/or sexual abuse as children. Female prisoners aren’t much different, experiencing pre-prison multiple forms of trauma including intimate partner violence. It’s bad enough to come to prison and be raped by your fellow inmates or advantageous prison staff, and it’s worse to be incarcerated with convicted rapists who faked their way into girl jail and have a real hate-on for women—who now can’t run away or fight back. Why can’t we acknowledge that prison rape isn’t supposed to be part of the criminal justice system? When are we going to learn that throwing abused people into highly abusive environments is barbaric, and not exactly conducive to producing less violent ex-cons? We can cheer Donald Trump for ordering men back to men’s prisons - and he deserves our kudos for trying - but we need to express as much outrage for male prisoners trapped with rapists and vicious sadists as for women. Trauma is trauma, and male safety isn’t any less important. It’s easier to feel sympathy for female convicts, most of whom haven’t committed acts as violent as their male counterparts. Theirs aren’t as often featured in true crime books; and when they are, their stories are usually less dramatic. Male serial killers or gang assassins pull off wildly violent crimes; murderesses are more subtle by necessity—violent crime is more difficult for them so they quietly poison or over-medicate medical patients or the men in their lives . There’s also, undoubtedly, gender stereotyping breaking switches in our compassion circuits—men’s need to appear strong and manly, especially when they’re in prison, as well as a hyperfocus on female victimization. But rape is a horrifically violent act that has to be even worse when a penis is stuffed into an orifice that wasn’t built to take one. The United States incarcerates more people than any other country, at 1.8 million in 2023, and our treatment of them is infamous. More than half suffer from mental illness. Sixty-thousand are kept in solitary confinement, which can be the worst form of torture. Mental health services are poor in many prisons although better in others. It doesn’t bode well for those of us on the outside, either. U.S. recidivism rates are atrocious; one Department of Justice analysis showed that 82% of people were rearrested at least once in the decade that followed. Within one year, 43% were back in the bighouse. After a life of trauma and more of it in prison, ex-cons find it exceedingly difficult to find a job and often commit new crimes just to stay alive. They’re difficult on their families and they can’t maintain stable romantic relationships. They reoffend. Everyone knows the prison system needs a massive overhaul, but no one ever does anything about it. I hope that some future judge who can read the Constitution will rule that female inmates will no longer have to deal with the incredible and unnecessary stress of sharing cell blocks and sometimes even cells with violent men, but I also share sympathy with anyone housed in a male facility, trans or not. Because prison rape isn’t part of our criminal justice code and neither is extended solitary, or lousy food, or kicking a man with a protruding hernia in his stomach, simply because he asked for medical attention. Every year, 650,000 inmates are released from prison. One hundred twenty-nine thousand will be back inside in a year. There should be no tolerance for rape, anywhere. Men aren’t somehow more deserving because they’re responsible for most violent crime. Not all prisoners are convicted of such. If they weren’t violent when they got there they may be unpleasantly trained. The problem is too often politicized: Conservatives want this oversized punishment for their crimes, and liberals’ compassion ventures too often into the realm of idiocy. Or prisons are simply overcrowded and the system has to make room for the never-ending conveyor belt of new bodies. Male prisoners’ stories are no less horrific than womens’ stories. If female prisoners are worthy of our reasonable compassion, then so are male inmates. They’ve all suffered enough, and made others suffer as well. We can keep them locked up with the acknowledgement that they’re still human beings. Even the most vicious animals are treated better than vicious humans. Is it in any way humane to torture them further? We’re not, after all, like them. Or maybe…..we are. Did you like this post? Do you want to see more? I lean left of center, but not so far my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter  Grow Some Labia  so you never miss a damn thing! 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Marilyn Manson's #MeToo moment has arrived, but his victims have nothing new to offer about how women get sucked into these abusive relationships Do NOT date someone with a 'bad girls room'. CC0 3.0 photo by Rockman on Wikimedia Commons You don't have to be Marilyn Manson to abuse women the way he's accused, but it undoubtedly makes things a smidge easier. Last year ex-fiancee Evan Rachel Wood outed the previously alluded-to 'powerful' man who cruelly abused her for years. She was 19 when she met the 36-year-old Manson at a party while he was still married to burlesque queen Dita Von Teese, whom he divorced the same year. Wood told Insider that they looked into each other's eyes and 'knew'. Whatever she 'knew' wasn't much, because she says she went through several years of hell and still doesn't appear to know why. She walked into a relationship with a man almost twenty years her senior, young and headstrong, telling her mother she was getting on a tour bus to see the world with Manson for eight months and if people aren't okay with that, well sorry, she can't live her life for others. Sounds like some may have been warning her it was a bad idea. That's one of the first things you do when you're entering a bad relationship: Don't listen to wiser voices. What do old people know? If anything was less than happy-happy-joy-joy after that, Wood didn't mention it. She spoke fondly of Manson until the mid-teens and prior to that, she publicly commented favorably on their relationship, and then former relationship. Today she details horrific tales of rape, abuse, degradation and humiliation, echoed by several other former partners and lovers who've stepped forward, empowered by her bravery, to tell similar stories. Manson, of course, denies it all, offering the same tired typical abuser explanations: They're lying, they're doing it for gain, they're trying to ruin me. That last allegation might arguably be true, but no one seriously believes anymore that women get rich lying about famous men raping and abusing them, and the 'attention' is often doxing, swatting, rape and death threats. Wood's documentary, Phoenix Rising , about her abuse by Manson, just premiered at the Sundance Music Festival, re-opening examination of her and others' abuse allegations. I'm glad she's finally calling him to account, and has decided to stop lying. The long hard road down to hell Ex-fiancee Rose McGowan and Von Teese weighed in last year, both stating they didn't have abusive relationships with Manson, yet they were supportive of the women. Von Teese, who says she ended her two-year marriage over Manson's drug abuse and infidelities, states he never treated her that way and she wouldn't have married him if he had. "Abuse of any kind has no place in any kind of relationship," she stated on Instagram and encourages "those of you who have incurred abuse to take steps to heal." It's almost like they don't think it's beyond him to behave like that. Worst of all for Manson, even men support his accusers. Nine Inch Nails frontman and former Manson mentor Trent Reznor hasn't hesitated to voice his dislike for Manson, with whom he severed ties 25 years ago. He's also still pissed about a story Manson told in his autobiography that he and Reznor raped a groupie, which Reznor vehemently insists is fiction. Reznor supports the women's allegations with his own testimony of abuse, misogyny, and Manson's violent, dark personality. Former Limp Bizkit guitarist and Manson collaborator Wes Borland said on Twitch, "Every single thing that people have said about him is f---ing true. So relax about the allegations towards the women. Like when people say these women are coming after him right now… f--- off, they are speaking the truth." The 'worst-kept secret' What's always missing in these #MeToo moments for soon-to-be-formerly rich and powerful men like Marilyn Manson is anything more than a cursory look at the deeper meaning of their victims' testimonies. It's extremely unlikely Wood and the others are lying now; three have filed lawsuits against him, and you don't do that unless you're willing to go through the hell of the backlash, including genuine fear for one's life and personal safety. This ain't some immigrant Uber driver you're accusing, it's Marilyn Manson. There's always an unaddressed deeper credibility issue in these stories that doesn't concern whether they're lying about the abuser now, but when they were, or maybe just being highly disingenuous. To the public eye, for Wood's entire relationship with Manson, she made out that they were happy, described their relationship as 'healthy', bristled at the criticism she got for being with him, and never indicated publicly she was unhappy, depressed, or frightened. That's typical for abuse victims, to deny deny deny until one day they tell the truth. For about eight years no one who didn't know the couple had any reason to believe they had anything other than a healthy, functional relationship. Young women who desired a life like Wood's - beautiful girlfriend to a globally-recognized rock star - were encouraged by her seemingly fabulous life. Wood and her compatriots in victimhood presented one view to the world while suffering in silence, while others looked on and did nothing. Then again, neither did any of the others until now. Meanwhile, Manson's abuse of Wood and others has been described as 'one of the worst-kept secrets'. Men like Manson persist because it's a collective collusive effort, including his victims, to enable them by remaining silent. As Kory Wood and James Newman detailed in their Rolling Stone article about Manson, he was The Monster Hiding In Plain Sight. When we dissect the abuser/victim dynamic we ignore how many others are adversely impacted too, whose lives may also be put in danger because of the relationship. Like children, of course. How to learn how to mistreat women, like the example Manson set. Impressionable teenage girls and young women watched Manson's public appearances with glamorous young women beaming in the spotlight on the arm of their freaky-looking Bad Boy. While lights flashed all around them, they gushed to reporters about how Manson was such a wonderful, great guy. Each woman was accomplished at something in her own right, but none were as famous or powerful as Manson. Don't you wish you were me, girlfriend??? You can be someone important if you nail a rock star! That's what Manson's pretty little liars taught girls all over the world. The explanations why they did it, the Stockholm Syndrome, the brainwashing, the cult-like control over them only go so far. These women sought fame, on their own terms and then Manson's, and held themselves up as role models for others, consciously or not. I'm glad they're finally telling their truths, but I'd like to see them undo the damage they've done by telling their fans the whole truth. Like how this happened to them, without mention of anyone else. The 70-year Golden Age of Grotesque There's probably no industry worthier of a glaring #MeToo misogyny-hunting spotlight than Planet RockMusician, where men still rule and women with less power do what women have always done, used their bodies to get a status guy. The problem with Manson's victims' #MeToo stories is that for anyone who's been around for more than a few decades, they sound awfully same-old same-old. Manson claimed in a 2015 Guardian story that he was with his then-unnamed girlfriend "because she is willing to do whatever it takes to be with me." I think he's referring to photographer Lindsay Usich, who he married in 2020. She's not one of his current accusers but is accused by some of them of attempting to silence them. One of Manson's former personal assistants claims he's witnessed Manson abuse Usich on several occasions , and threatened to kill her. So the cycle of abuse by women perpetuates itself: Lindsay Usich shuts the hell up and helps her hubby like a good little collaborator until one day, almost certainly, she will stop lying to herself and the world. Rock 'n' roll is nearly 70 years old, and allegations of sexual wrongdoing, misogyny, abuse, and retaliation against young women and girls have been there from the beginning. Rock pioneers Chuck Berry, Marvin Gaye, Jerry Lee Lewis, Jackie Wilson, Little Richard, and Elvis Presley also pioneered sexual abuse of women, especially underage girls. So what have we learned, children? Seventy years of rock 'n' roll have taught us that boys aspire to become rock musicians so they can have unfettered, unquestioned access to naive girls and women who think they know better, who think they know what they're doing, who think they're in control of their sexuality--except they don't and they're not. We learn nothing as each generation passeth away: Every year, every decade the cycle repeats itself: Older, wiser women call out some celebrity who abused them for years and get lauded for being brave and 'telling their truth'. Yes, they're brave, but they're also complicit in perpetuating the cycle of abuse. When they complain, 'Many knew but no one stopped him,' no reporter dares ask, "Did anyone warn you, and did you listen? What kind of example did you set for other young women when you repeatedly lied about what happened to you until now?" Silence is violence, isn't it, gender theory feminists? When will we acknowledge that with celebrity comes a certain level of responsibility to one's fans? To be honest about what the industry, your career, your partners are really like? When you're 'willing to do whatever it takes to be with him', there's an internal power greater than concern for one's personal safety in play. No woman wants to be abused, but it's sometimes the price you must be willing to pay to stay with him. We don't acknowledge that for some women, it's a profit/loss calculation. How much of his shit are you willing to put up with to be with him? We never learn the deeper truth these women really owe their fans, the ones who supported their idols in their careers, and support them now as they crawl out from under a very sick man's rock. Why did you allow this? It's no longer enough to speak out on what happened and take the kudos for being 'brave' and 'honest' and finally bringing on a much-needed takedown of a deeply misogynist artist. They need to do some introspection, a post-mortem, and tell the truth about why they took the step down that long ugly staircase of abuse. They need to talk about the weaknesses in their psychology that permitted someone like Manson into their lives. They need to address why the well-established, no-news-here serial predator grooming tactics worked so well on them, and really be honest about who warned them about him and why they didn't listen. That's the funny thing about serial celebrity secrets: While the world at large may not know them, absolutely everyone in the industry does. Only people who weren't in Hollywood in the '50s were surprised when classic masculine movie sex symbol Rock Hudson outed himself as a lifelong homosexual by dying of AIDS. My mother learned about it from a friend who'd grown up in Hollywood, played with Loretta Young's daughter, and was friends with Elizabeth Taylor. Everyone knew how many movie stars were homosexual back then, but only whispered. There's no way Manson's maidens hadn't heard the rumors, and the warnings, and seen a lot of shit with their own eyes. If 19-year-old girls can still see vaginas on the walls, swastikas everywhere, be personally acquainted with a 'bad girls room', and not realize this is not a boy you want to take home to mother, we're not doing a good enough job raising young women to not know misogyny until it's chasing you with an axe. In the HBO trailer for Phoenix Rising , someone comments that it customarily takes many victims 7-10 years to recognize they were abused, which in Manson's accusers' case means any alleged crimes are outside the statute of limitations. In 2016, Wood testified in front of government committees in support of bills to raise the statute of limitations. "Something needs to change" I applaud Wood's and the others' efforts and agree with them that something needs to change. In addition to making it easier for domestic violence victims to seek justice, what would help most is if they could offer insight into what permitted them to get into such a relationship at all. How did they not get blown into the next county by all the violently waving red flags? We're not learning anything new with each new tedious story. Abuse, brainwashing, gaslighting, yadda yadda yadda. Young women don't pay attention because they don't think it could happen to them. Where victims can add REAL value to the conversation and reduce the mistreatment of women is by helping young women understand how this can happen to them by addressing the common gaps in female psychology. Like: How easy it is to be impressed by a rich powerful man. How older men like younger women not just because they're young and pretty, but because they're so much easier to manipulate. Especially when they look to a man to define them, and especially a celebrity. How easy it can be to be dazzled by the classic manipulator's move, 'love bombing,' to suck you in so he can groom you to do what he wants and put up with his shit. How partner rape is a real thing. How you can have clear good examples of healthy, functional relationships (they must have seen some, at least) and not want the same for themselves - or wonder if perhaps love doesn't mean tolerating the vile abuse they're subjected to. Most importantly, can they PLEASE tell young girls and women to listen to older women who know more than they do? At least some of them will listen . I did. I thank my mother. What would be most valuable is better understanding how you can see swastikas, knives, an unused Zyklon B gas container from World War II, listen to the misogyny expressed at Manson's concerts, and hear a song you know was written about you, I Want To Kill You Like They Do In The Movies , and still think it's okay to be with this guy. I want to know about every Manson woman's first two weeks with the guy, before the serious brainwashing started, because I really want to know what some women are completely missing. Today, black people of all ages are hyper-aware of racial hostility and slights, but somehow women see rank misogyny hitting them in the face (literally) and blithely walk Manson's long hard staircase down to hell. The point is not to beat themselves up for cluelessness at 19 or 20 back then but to help young women understand today how they can avoid the mistakes of the past. Not looking within and asking one's self the hard questions without finger-pointing is what permits the cycle of abuse to perpetuate generationally. Feminism isn't ready to examine and analyze what psychological weaknesses we all have, as women, that allow men to exploit and abuse us. These time-dishonored techniques for controlling and grooming women have been utilized every day by countless men for thousands of years because they work. Manson won't likely be held legally accountable for any of this, but his victims can push this aging, pudgy, slightly less relevant rocker into has-been oblivion. All the hand-wringing and worry from celebrity men about #MeToo 'lies' come mostly from those who lie awake at night worrying about who from their own past might be the first woman to break the silence about their own behavior. Après moi, le déluge. Many won't mourn Manson's faded passing. But what about future targets who might listen if Manson's victims, and others after them, tell the truth about themselves about why they succumbed to his predations and what they'd tell their younger selves? While we're trying to fix the ones who were broken, what can we do to educate the young and naive, so they listen now, because they're hearing something new, so they can avoid the ugly web the Marilyn Mansons of the world, celebrity or not, draw some of them into? Not every teenage girl is so naive Indie rock musician Phoebe Bridgers recounts a story when she was a teenage girl and went to Manson's home with a few friends. He joked about a 'rape room' in his house which she chalked up to horrible 'frat boy' humor, but that day she 'stopped being a fan'. And that was the end of that. Knowing that is more valuable than anything Manson's victims have offered thus far. This article originally appeared on Vocal.media in March 2022. Did you like this post? Would you like to see more? I lean left of center, but not so far over my brains fall out. Subscribe to my Substack newsletter Grow Some Labia so you never miss a post!

"GROW A PAIR" That's what we say to men when we think they're acting weak. "Grow some balls!" So what do we say when women are acting weak? We can't very well tell them to grow some balls. Women can't, of course! Women need to 'grow some labia'! They're the parts of the vagina that would have become the scrotum for the balls had she been born a male instead (and since she didn't, what would have been her balls are her ovaries). But I doubt you came here for a female anatomy lesson. It's time for us to grow some labia and woman up, show more strength, challenge ourselves more. Time to take more charge and responsibility for our lives, and spend less time blaming 'The Patriarchy' or systemic sexism. Those things exist, for sure, but at some point we've got to recognize the buck stops with the woman in the mirror and we need to claim our power (or reclaim it if we gave it away somehow!) So it's time for women everywhere to GROW SOME LABIA! I've written a few blog posts about how we can do exactly that and reclaim our power! Feminism The differences between victim feminism, which sees women as chronically aggrieved and victimized by men and 'The Patriarchy', and power feminism, which is more focused on one's self, achieving and claiming personal power and using it for the betterment of others. Dec 21, 2024 The Transfolk Who Really Do Need Our Support The experience of 'The Bearded Lesbian' reminds us some folks really do need to transition; and how LGBTQ can fail them I began following... Dec 5, 2024 American Feminists Don't Need A 4B Movement The South Korean feminism project will be dead in the water. Like it or not, we need men, and they need us. Maybe we just need to reform... Nov 24, 2024 Emma Watson, Emma Watson, Wherefore Art Thou, Emma Watson? The foxy fauxminist has gone missing in recent years. No movies. No fauxminist outbursts. Not even any trans love tweeted. I... Nov 17, 2024 Progressive Democrats Hate Women More Than The Right. Especially Feminists. Right-wing misogyny isn't How The Left Was Lost. It was women's, the primary administrators and executors of patriarchy and misogyny. The... Oct 12, 2024 A Frenchwoman Is Dead Serious About Holding ALL Her Rapists Accountable The Gisele Pelicot case highlights just how frighteningly high is the number of 'normal' men who have a penchant for, and might be... Sep 14, 2024 Let's Have A Grownup Talk About Privilege - With Curiosity Rather Than Outrage It's real. It's worth exploring even for the UnWoke. Its purpose is to open our own eyes rather than beat up others (and ourselves) over... Feminism Substack Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER for all my latest on power feminism, reclaiming your power, and the ongoing culture wars. Visit Substack >> Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER

WELCOME TO MY WEBSITE ABOUT POWER Big Girls Don't Blame The Patriarchy Explore The Blog LABIA POWER! About Me Grow Some Labia! is written by a liberal, feminist writer and social justice critic who teaches women and others how to reclaim their power and avoid partner abuse. She also candidly critiques far-left, progressive/woke/ social justice extremism. It's a place for people who lean left or right, but not so far their brains fall out. GSL's work can be found here and on Substack, Quora. And maybe a few other places. About Me The Latest From My Labia Power! Blog 5 days ago Daniel Penny: The Hero That Wasn't "He scared the living daylights out of everybody." The woke left damns Daniel Penny for trying to save others from a clearly disturbed... Jan 4 We Have To Think About Moderating X, Bluesky And Other Social Media The anoymous psychos who call for others' assassinations are a direct threat to democracy and public safety. Threats are NOT free speech.... Jan 1 Here Comes The 'Woke Right' And It Looks A Helluva Lot Like The Woke Left Brand-new management, same as the last! But the bipartisan UnWoke have the recent accumulated observation to help call out the... Dec 25, 2024 Roman Holiday - A Christmas Story Oh no! Not another Messiah! CC0 public domain Just what we need. Another bloody Messiah. The name’s Flatulous. I’m a Roman soldier in... Dec 21, 2024 The Transfolk Who Really Do Need Our Support The experience of 'The Bearded Lesbian' reminds us some folks really do need to transition; and how LGBTQ can fail them I began following... Dec 14, 2024 Is There Any Real Joy In Learning Anymore? Can students even experience learning something intriguing or unexpected? Or are they only told what to think? "Just kill me now!"... Explore The Blog DON'T BE THE VICTIM Take back your power. NOW. It started with abused women who didn't know they could say No to abuse. It morphed into taking back your power from political bullies and haters, including 'social justice warriors'. Don't Be The Victim GROW SOME LABIA "Grow a pair!" That's what we say to men when we think they're acting weak. "Grow some balls!" So what do we say when women are acting weak? We can't very well tell them to grow some balls. Women can't, of course! Women need to 'grow some labia'! Grow Some Labia I also take on the crazies from the right and the left. Subscribe to my FREE SUBSTACK NEWSLETTER

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